Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances — Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions — Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others — Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God’s will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator — Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask:
– Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
– What are legitimate boundaries?
– What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
– How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
– Aren’t boundaries selfish?
– Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
Grace (verified owner) –
I’m a spiritual, not really religious person and I’m not into bible study. Honestly, the bible is not one of my most inspiring spiritual texts to be honest as a Christian. I was hesitant for that reason about this book, hoping it wouldn’t be preachy or judgmental. Instead, what I discovered was a wonderful use of biblical verses that is very lightly woven into the stories about why it’s important to set strong boundaries, and why God wants us to stop being martyrs and make choices that support our happiness and well-being. This is such a refreshing approach to using the bible as helpful inspiration to apply to real life situations, similar to Joel Osteen. The authors are very down-to-earth, real, honest and direct about the issue of weak boundaries, identifying them, and explaining how to implement them. I bought another book called Energetic Boundaries in the past that was more focused on metaphysical aspects of boundaries. That was helpful, too, but this book blows it out of the water with it’s grounded approach and strong tone encouraging the reader to take charge of their life and stop being a doormat. So many spiritual, Christian people tend to be taken advantage of or get burnt out always tending to everyone else’s needs, and this book gives permission to stop that unhealthy cycle so you could feel peaceful and take better care of yourself instead of feeling guilty like you owe everyone else your time and energy in order to be a “good” person. I sent this book to my best friend, and we’ve been reading it together and agreed to be each other’s boundary buddies when those pushers come along our path, which they often have! I highly recommend this book for anyone who enjoys the spiritual connection and psychological awareness that makes for a holistic approach to changing unhealthy habits. I also purchased Doreen Virtue’s Assertiveness for Earth Angels but it’s not as in depth as this book, and has a more gentle, soft approach that hasn’t drawn me in strong enough, where this Boundaries book feels highly motivating to me. Doreen’s book has been sitting on my shelf for a year and I’ve breezed through it not feeling compelled to get into it yet. The first day I opened this Boundaries book, I read 50 pages on the spot, highlighter in hand.
Angela Rakes (verified owner) –
Easy read
Kelly Kleine (verified owner) –
This book was like a having a life preserver thrown to me while I was drowning out in the sea!! I always felt like I needed to be the caretaker to everyone and never said no to anyone in my world in order to avoid anyone getting upset. The end result was a life of upset for myself!! I didn’t know how to do anything different, or expect anything from anyone else, because my habits were so ingrained. The way this book outlines exactly what you need to do made it clear to me that it is ok, even healthy, to set boundaries with people. And when I applied these skills, I found myself more at peace, relaxed, confident, and free since I was now being true to myself. And it’s made others around me step up and take ownership of their own responsibilities and actually believe me when I say no, now. It’s like a huge burden gets lifted when you start taking care of yourself and not giving in to things that don’t feel right to you. It’s a new way of living that reshapes your behaviors, that ultimately trickle down to others around you. It’s been effective when dealing with my spouse, mom, friends, child, volunteer leaders at church, and coworkers. An excellent read that will change your life for the better if you apply the skills!! As long as you stick with it. At first, other people around you won’t be use to you setting boundaries so things almost seem to get worse with some for awhile that are use to getting their way, but stay assertive and confident in your stance, and keep doing the same thing, and eventually they get it, know you’re serious, and eventually, some mutual respect comes right along with it! It’s worth it to follow through and adhere to the authors advice!! It’s a journey worth taking!
Yukki (verified owner) –
sadly enough, i really might need it now as a reference for a situation i m dealing with in life… anyway its an excellent book to refer to in a lot of life situations.
Vaughn Bender (verified owner) –
This is probably by far the best and most helpful book I have every read. I also have the kindle version. If you want to know what your boundaries are with your friends, family, aquaintences .. etc.. this is the book that clear defines your boundaries. What is very great about this book, Henry even goes so far as to how to say no when those boundaries are over stepped. I see in my own life in some areas where I over stepped those with my kids. Then he address our own boundaries within ourselves. So very good. I am going to give this book to my kids so they don’t make the same or similar mistakes as I did. Great Job. Thanks